Men’s bathroom etiquette is something that is very high on my list. We’re all in there to do important work, but I don’t want to be your partner in crime. I spend my time in there playing games on my phone and trying not to breathe through my nose. But today I felt like I was Tom Arnold in Austin Powers. The guy wasn’t even in the stall next to me and I still felt for him… really I felt like he was going to get some on me.

[Austin Powers is drowning a man in the toilet]
Austin Powers: Who does Number Two work for? Who does Number Two work for?
Cowboy: Yeah, that’s it! You show that turd who’s boss.

He shuffled in past my stall, sat down forcefully, unleashed the monster and held on for dear life. That’s pretty much when I decided I’d had enough of the throne room and it was time to leave. While I was getting ready to leave I heard him fart the “Gunfighter Music” from “The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly”. A tumbleweed rolled by the sink as I left our mysterious stranger to duke it out with the beast.